Be true...be you

~If it scares you
 it might be a good thing to try
Seth Godin

Mother nature has waved her wand on Montana.
 Spring seems to have magically appeared
the fields have become " natures" tarmac
 for the birds that are arriving
 returning to this frozen melt
Canadian geese over head squawking discombobulated
a Robin rested on the fence yesterday and Foghorn noticed a first blue bird
All signs that spring is on it's way.
or... thaw
winter melts
and "hidden" is revealed
 good and bad

 for me a time to be inspired
 find things that I had forgotten or were misplaced
under all that ice
 take stock of what is
 things in life that work and things that don't

a time to be true

the landscape changes.
 My inner landscape is changing
 not clear of what I am seeing?
Feeling a bit exposed
even vulnerable
 the winter blanket has been ripped off
 like a Band-Aid

The time of standing still

and accepting of "what is"
no longer feels
 like a good fit

finding myself quite weepy and lost
 realizing that I am really coasting
 am I that content
 or am I simply

Chef asked what my dreams were...
 if you could dream big
 what would that look like?
 I realized that I have never dreamt big
 I seem to have just landed in situations and either tried to survive them
or making the best of them

 life can just be so shocking at times
 dreams have been deferred

Doctor, lawyer or veterinarian
 never crossed my mind.
I finished almost 2 years of Interior design school
 and then beautiful Julian came along
 since then have been a
professional mom
  Haus Frau
 domestic engineer
call it what you wish...
 It never dawned on me to think there is  a life after.
 Good Golly what the heck do I do now?

 SO over busying myself
creative messes that don't lead to nowhere.

My grand parents wanted me to enroll in a certain riding academy in Sweden
to become a professional in the field
or at least an instructor.
Dad was hopeful to hear;
a psychologist studying " Stanford or Harvard "
Camilla, you must have a direction!
More art classes, traveling the world and a certain Mr.was on my mind....
 Mom supports me in every whim I have
 horse breeder, little girls dresses, vintage clothing
the list is endless
But it's not enough
 to just be creative

 what must that be like to have  BIG dream???
 It sounds daunting and exciting at the same time

Where do I start?
How do I start?

This thaw is bringing up all kinds of questions and thoughts
 that were hidden under layers of
~ something ~
 what happens when the chicks fly the coop?
Numero uno is on that road at high speeds

 and I am again lost?

How does one find ones
 that 1 thing
 and GO for it
never look back
 forge ahead
have a direction
and have that perfectly wonderful life

 be true
 be you

 I am a "hopper"
 jumping from one thing to another
 hoping to land in a safe place
 or...hopping from something that feels crummy
frightening to put myself out there
 what if I fail
 What if it's not perfectly perfect

 Is that okay
 Will I be okay?

too be continued......



  1. I have many of the same thoughts. I'm bored with my current career but don't know what else to do. I'm not exactly sure what will make me happy. How will I know if I will like another career if I've never done it before?

  2. Content or stagnate....good question. I often think about life once the little man has moved on, it is quite some time before that happens, but the thought is there. Will I go back to what I did before, or will I move onto something else? Who knows at this point, but right now I am okay with that. Okay with living in this moment with him. I know one day I will have to think about it, but not right now.

    Spring visited us yesterday, today Old Man Winter is back with the biggest storm of the year...sigh.

  3. I am always so moved by your photos and words Camilla. Every time I visit I stay for awhile just letting everything soak in and then I often come back for another look. You are amazing!

  4. Oh good grief I can relate to this so much. 'Be true be you' is the only way I think. Sometimes I think if I really let myself be happy in the little things around me and the little life I have now Ill never do anything bigger. I am assured that the opposite happens. Don't worry about it I'm told, accept who and where you are at. Go in the direction of the things that bring you joy and the big things will come. I so hope this is true xxx

  5. Keep pulling up the posts ;) wink wink. Dream big - you are so good at it. I can relate to this and it seems like in Springtime; it's the time to ponder these things - and then get to work. DREAM BIG. Your dreams are so needed.

  6. I am the hopper as well and I like that kind of life. I was a professional in the health field all those years ago and could return to the field but I find that we like me being here and I do too. I've considered being a stay at home mom a full time job of which I am partially retired from. I like that the future has possibilities and I could choose many paths as I sit and contemplate.

    Good luck finding your big dream! I will stay tuned!

  7. I'm a hopper too.
    I love your pictures!!!

  8. Dearest sweet C. I just returned from a lunch with friends and a stop at the fabric shop. I bought some white with black polka dot vinyl for my kitchen table thinking that would make me feel better. Driving along I thought about how lost I am. I do not say what I really think or feel, ever. So I turned to my imaginary friends like you and Patricia and others of like mind. I am stunned at what I just read. You feel exactly as I do. Your photography is so incredibly beautiful. That alone filled the hole inside of my heart. I think sometimes that I am the only one who feels as I do feel. My daughter and granddaughter are in Orlando for the national cheer leading competition and I am not there. I wish I were able to hop there, right now.
    I think I was trained to be super sensitive to other people and their expressions which I am pretty sure I always misinterpret. Some of us are born to be hoppers looking for that perfect thing for us to be. I do this.
    For today, right now, I am trying to appreciate just being the only way I know how. I sure would like to know you in real life. I feel lonely for a kindred spirit. I think you are wonderful and you inspire me.

  9. What a beautiful and sharing post Camilla. You have the most perfect way of expressing what most of us are feeling. I think most of us wonder where are dreams will lead us, and as we age fear that they will not come to fruition. Fear seems to be one our greatest enablers. You may not see clearly where your talents and dreams lay, but many of us do. You had created a business of dying some truly stunning yarn, that I personally will never part with. Your photos express and translate more than you can Imagine. You will discover your dream love, once you look at what you have accomplished already and see how amazing you have been already. :)

  10. dear camilla, i hope you find pleasure dreaming in possibilities! your talent and passion will surely be with you on your journey.

  11. yes, yes, yes, put yourself out there and you will be ok.
    I promise.

  12. I realize this is an old post...but just wanted to say, "I relate. 100%." xo


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