...a journey's end

 

 I am quite grateful for the cold of winter

 for the snow

 

as it softly falls

 something comforting about that

 

covering everything that was there before

 

this last year has been quite a journey

 

a fresh blanket of snow

something to crawl under and feel safe and dream

maybe hibernate for a while and ponder on what is to come

 

reflect on the past and then...

 leap forward into

 

 the newness

of  a new year filled with wonder and dreams

 

a new journey

 

Wishing you a very Happy and healthy 2014

... and that your dreams will come true this year

 

(Thank you all so much for your very kind words on the prior post)

 

 

“Don't let your dreams be dreams.”

-Jack Johnson

 

 

Catching Whispers

Life can throw you for a loop real quick

I know I am not in control

but simply hanging on for the ride

everything in my life as I knew it
 

changed

 

I am a fatherless daughter.

 



 

I lost my father this month

it's been a roller coaster for 5 long weeks

nothing prepares you
 

Our relationship was a tough one

we were two crosscurrents

at times it felt as rusty old barbwire
the kind that cuts real bad

but then after a while heals somehow

and leaves behind a scar

 

 a year ago I forgave him
for the past
the endless years of therapy
clean slate.
 

and met him where he was at...

 

He had Alzheimer's

 

however for me,
that sweetened the deal

he became softer and left a little space for me

and I no longer felt as if I had to hide behind a blade of grass

 

 

 we joked 

had interesting conversations

 some times several at one time

Alzheimer's does that

you just roll with it

he would sing

speak in German and Danish

sometimes just a mess

but it was our lovely mess

 

 

 now,
there are no more conversations
 no one to speak Norwegian with
 

 



 

Grieving him

has been an awakening

all the tears and the emptiness

reminds what is

 what is left

 

my soul feels raw

 

a deep breath in a deep breath out

 I stand alone

not so strong yet

but you know what they say about time.....

 



 

 an old greeting card that was sent to him from a Hawaiian friend was found

 the words has stuck in my head all week

 

" Pupukahi "

gather together

 family and friends

dearly around me
trying to protect me
against the pain I am feeling

 

 Pain throws your heart to the ground

love turns it all around
- John Mayer

  

difficult time of year to lose someone

 as we celebrate birth and joy to the world

 

 still a believer of miracles

 the last year was truly a year of closeness and love with my father
a gift
 

as I watched him pass away

lying my head next to his
draping my arm around his chest
so very fragile

 

catching his last whispers

 

Outside the leaves slightly fluttered in the frosty breeze of winter

knowing it was his time
....I let him go....

 

I love him with all my heart

 

wishing you all

Pupukahi

 this season

 

 enjoy what you have

 and who you are with

life is so precious

 

....and what I said about not being in control of your life

well, that's B.S

 you can control some things in your life and turn them around

just breathe and listen to your heart

 

wishing you all

peace and love

 

 

 

Yarn along

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Fini.

 

Clapo-Ktus

 

is done.

 

up ward and onward to new projects.

 

Obsessing over these books:

Stylish Dress book

Feminine Wardrobe

Sweet Dress book

 

L.o.v.e.

 

 

What are you knitting?

 Joining Ginny

 

Sundavia Pearl

 

 

 This spring I have been working hard on jump starting my passion for creating.  I started selling and marketing my collection of vintage clothing. Ever since I was a kid I have worn vintage- but not really called it or acknowledged it as "vintage" or a "piece" it was just fun clothing that I would mix up- with the rest of my wardrobe. Looking back a pictures of chef and I in California I was always wearing vintage dresses.

 

I have a shop locally " Sundavia Pearl" here in Columbia Falls.

 

 "Montana Woman"  had a huge fashion show this summer and they featured Sundavia Pearl summer collection - there has been a wonderful response both to the collection and fashion show. So much so that they wrote an article on me here at Station 8 Blog and there will be a 2 page spread in the upcoming issue about my business.

 

..."now were cookin' with peanut oil"

Phil Robertson

 

Needless to say it been amazing, exhausting and absolutely wonderful - here is the interview if you would like to read ....Sundavia Pearl Clothing

 

 

Have great weekend.

...it's shaping up

 

Early morning

 still dark outside and cold

 snow on the ground

 

Heading out to my first Buck Clinic

  

 it all started for me in New York

 

 this was the day

 I would finally experience everything in person

a dream

 

 

 

The bleachers were cold

 

Jesse told me where to sit to get a good view

 a veteran of Bucks clinics he knew a thing or two

 he would always talk about Buck when shoeing my horses

telling me how special he was and how it was hard to grasp what he was teaching in the beginning

 

 

Country music was playing over the speakers

 the vaqueros came out on their horses

and started warming up

 

 then....there was a hush

 

I held my breath

 in he came

complete silence

 everyone just watched

the dance

 

One of the biggest moments of my life-

 

 

Determined to get a good seat and soak it all in, I was the first one in that cold arena for 3 days.

 the hell Buck has been thru- and to have come out on the other side
....blows me away.

There is nothing but kindness, respect and a big heart- especially for horses...but also for humans.
The wisdom, attitude and perspective he has on life has helped heal so many - me included.

Years ago I had a horrible accident on my horse -  yes, it involved the emergency room - eventually selling my horse and not riding for decades, because of fear.

“They say nerves heal real slowly. Lots of things about us heal real slowly.” 
Buck

Nothing was the same- I hated being such a coward, so overcome by fear- taking me away from the one thing I loved more than anything in life- horses.


I am riding again because of Buck.

 

Here in Montana with my 2 lovies- all 2500 lbs of them - each day there is something new to learn something new to discover, the connection we have - they are my family.
The love I have for them fills my heart and soul - I would have never hoped or ever dreamed of this.

....and now having experienced Buck and his way

I have truly come full circle.

In life, we don't know why things happen. I believe God is not responsible for the bad things that happen to you. Sometimes I think He's responsible for the good things, but sometimes it's something you shape up for yourself.” 
Buck

life has it's twists and turns

 

 and yes,

I believe life is shaping up

Yarn along

Half way on my Clapo-Ktus

 

 

liking the stripe pattern

 the hand dyed yarn is naturally creating.

Once finished with this skein I will start decreasing with the other skein-( 2 skeins in all)

 

and yeeeeees...I keep my self entertained while knitting with

ever so little ice cream- chunky monkey...

my kids have realized it's simply one of my food groups.

 

No book today- completely enamored with a few issues of 3191 quarterly

here

They keep me levitating with their beautiful imagery.

 

So what are you knitting today?

and bonus question...what's your favorite ice-cream?

 

Joining Ginny.

 

Nor- fernugen

 

 

 

 

Why do you go away? So that you can come back. So that you can see the place you came from with new eyes and extra colors. And the people there see you differently, too. Coming back to where you started is not the same as never leaving.” 

Terry Pratchett