Be true...be you

 

~If it scares you

 it might be a good thing to try

Seth Godin

 

 

Mother nature has waved her wand on Montana.

 Spring seems to have magically appeared
 

 

the fields have become " natures" tarmac
 for the birds that are arriving
 returning to this frozen melt
 

Canadian geese over head squawking discombobulated

a Robin rested on the fence yesterday and Foghorn noticed a first blue bird

All signs that spring is on it's way.

 

 

or... thaw

winter melts
and "hidden" is revealed

 

 good and bad

 for me a time to be inspired
 find things that I had forgotten or were misplaced
under all that ice
 take stock of what is
 things in life that work and things that don't

a time to be true

 

 

 

the landscape changes.

 

 My inner landscape is changing

 not clear of what I am seeing?

 

Feeling a bit exposed

even vulnerable

 

 the winter blanket has been ripped off
 like a Band-Aid
 

The time of standing still

and accepting of "what is"
 

no longer feels

 like a good fit

 

 

finding myself quite weepy and lost

 realizing that I am really coasting

 

 am I that content

 or am I simply

stagnate?

Chef asked what my dreams were...

 if you could dream big

 what would that look like?

 

Stunned

 I realized that I have never dreamt big

 

 I seem to have just landed in situations and either tried to survive them

or making the best of them

 life can just be so shocking at times
 dreams have been deferred

Doctor, lawyer or veterinarian

 never crossed my mind.

 

I finished almost 2 years of Interior design school

 and then beautiful Julian came along

 since then have been a
professional mom

  Haus Frau
or

 domestic engineer

call it what you wish...

 

 It never dawned on me to think there is  a life after.

 Good Golly what the heck do I do now?

 

 

 SO over busying myself
with
creative messes that don't lead to nowhere.

My grand parents wanted me to enroll in a certain riding academy in Sweden

to become a professional in the field

or at least an instructor.

 

Dad was hopeful to hear;
a psychologist studying " Stanford or Harvard "

 

Camilla, you must have a direction!

 

More art classes, traveling the world and a certain Mr.was on my mind....

 

 Mom supports me in every whim I have

 horse breeder, little girls dresses, vintage clothing
the list is endless

 

But it's not enough

 to just be creative

 

 

 what must that be like to have  BIG dream???

 

 It sounds daunting and exciting at the same time

 

Where do I start?

How do I start?

This thaw is bringing up all kinds of questions and thoughts
 that were hidden under layers of
~ something ~

 

 

 what happens when the chicks fly the coop?

Numero uno is on that road at high speeds


 and I am again lost?

 

How does one find ones
passion

 that 1 thing

 and GO for it

never look back

 forge ahead

 

 focused

 

have a direction

 

and have that perfectly wonderful life

career?

 

 be true

 be you

 

 

 I am a "hopper"
 jumping from one thing to another

 

 hoping to land in a safe place

 or...hopping from something that feels crummy

 

frightening to put myself out there
 what if I fail
 What if it's not perfectly perfect

 Is that okay
 Will I be okay?

too be continued......


 

winter white

 

Welcome, winter.

Your late dawns and chilled breath make me lazy,

but I love you nonetheless.

 ~Terri Guillemets

 

 

 

Enjoyed (hopefully) the last days of winter

with Foghorn.

Bibimbap on the weekend

 

 A balmy 2 F outside this weekend

 so it is project time!

 

 Chef is cleaning all the ceiling fans and

helping me spruce up the kids bathroom with some custom wood work details

At the library

found this

love- ly book

 

 reminds me of my child hood in Scandinavia when I would go out side and play all day the forest
 

 I have peeked Foghorns interest

....when the snow melts of course.

 painting this morning

my daughters bathroom

a spa green grey

...and Auggie suggested that since we have had such a loooong and dreary winter

 we should go somewhere warm

 and relax

 

 

ehem...I don't know how to relax?

 

Not a big fan of clothes or shoes

 

Chef and I surprised our selves and the kids

 spontaneously we purchased tickets to

 Kona Hawaii

 

a long winter in Montucky does that to you

 

you just loose it!

some times you just need to do something crazy
 and impromptu

 

I guess we all need a little Aloha in our lives.

 

 

 

 found this little self portrait of Foghorn

 after the vacation announcement

 at first I thought he was speechless because the mouth was missing?

 

 Be he promptly corrected me and said if you look closely I am " smirking '

 excited to go mom!

 

 

 

missing my yarn dyeing days and craving color
I am having fun with the dye pot

when ever I get a moment

 

 

 

 

a view from upstairs on this

  wintery morn

 

 

paint always finds a spot on my pants

 

 Since I am painting Fifi's bathroom she baked me a

Chocolate cake!

 

 

Now that's a deal.

 

 

 

So here it is my favorite word of the week

 

" Bibimbap "

 

 it's fun to say

 

 

I have always loved Andrew Weil

Just borrowed
True Food
 

 looks like Bibimbap will be a good choice for dinner.

 

 

So how was your weekend?

 

...at the end of the day

 

 

 

at the end of the day

 

 I often wonder;

 did I live it well?

 

 have I done what I could to make this the best day

 

 did I waste it?

 

 

 

 

Sadly enough many times I feel that the minutes that were given

were wasted

 on

 worry, anger, insecurity

 

stupid things that don't matter.

 

 

 

At the end of the day...

that "someone" might not be there any longer

 

did I
 pay attention

 observe
appreciate
forgive
 

 ...was I forgiven?

 

 

 Did I make someone smile

 or did someone smile at me
 

 ...wipe someone's tears

 or, smile thru my own tears?

 

 



 

Wondering

 

if I listened

 or someone listened to me?
 

Yes Bella, we listen to you humming

Fiona doesn't seem to be enjoying it greatly...

Was I kind

was my heart open?

Did I give someone a hug

receive a hug

Bella...goof ball !

 

Did I laugh?

God, I need to laugh more.

 

Did I tell someone I loved them?
...do I feel loved?

 

 

 

 did I say the right thing,

what is the right thing?

 

or hurt someone's feelings

 

 Starting to realize how fragile life is

 but that IS life
fragile

 

 

At the end of the day

 

all I know is

how to be me

 

true

transparent

 and clearly an idiot at times

 

good, bad or indifferent
you only get one
...one shot

 mine's not perfect
 but it's pretty darn close

I can say that
at the end of day

 

 

Wishing you all a wonderful weekend.