1/28/16

Good at doing hard work



Penelope Trunk told me I was good at doing hard work.
Coming from her I felt as if I won an award.
Known for being brazen and brutally honest, she has brought clients to tears.

As I reflect on those words- it makes me feel strong as if my inner Viking can seize the day at any given moment.
Surely this been a hard week,
 our parenting skills firing on all cylinders and tested our compassion for the "teen years"
Smiling, thru my tears I can share a few highlights, living in a very small mountain town "where everyone knows you're name"-  I will make this short and simple.

#3 got in so much trouble this weekend- a nightmare looks dreamy to me.

The past couple of days, the police has been involved, new found friends we thought were great- ended up being a REALLY BAD INFLUENCE, epic amounts of lying, sneaking out of the house at 1 o'clock at night and blissfully ignorant parents ...a few other things I will keep under my hat.

 Feeling stretched - wondering where the bottomless pit would end, some very hard decisions and conversation I wished never happened more importantly, a few life lessons that would test anyone's patience.
Parenting is the hardest "job" I have ever had, holding our children accountable for their actions, letting them rise to the occasion to figure out how to be responsible while keeping their integrity intact- always treating them with love and respect even through tough times.

As the afternoon progressed we learned more what had happened and what # 3's  role was in this big mess.
Disbelief, in what we heard, disbelief that he got caught
 Tears- on both ends.
Yet, relief.
Relief, knowing we had his back, that he had a safe place to land even when shit hit the fan.
Relieved that we were now in the loop and could now start damage control.


I stood on my tip toes and gave him a hug telling him- that doing the "right thing" isn't always the easiest.

That evening our son went to the "parents" house to apologize. We drove around the neighborhood a few times, it was dark so he couldn't quite recall the house- maybe he just needed that extra minute before he would have to face the music.
His voice fragile, from the back seat asking- will you stand behind me?
We all felt fragile- fragile with the anticipation of the next few minutes.
I responded- always.
Thinking he was tough as nails for doing this- no one wants to see their child scared.
He rang the doorbell and we were greeted- by the parents, introduce ourselves- hand shakes all around. Our son looks them in the eyes, takes a deep breath and begins his apology
with the courage of a Lion

 he offers the most genuine, articulate and sincere apology
 
you could tell the other parents started to melt...unexpected.
Most of us have been young and stupid at sometime and it was comforting to see that they could connect with that-
a few stories from their past, something we all can relate too on some level,
I guess their awkward way of extending our son an olive branch.
 
Glad and impressed that our son had the guts to apologize, the father accepted.
Solo, as non of the other boys that were involved had come forth.
- we said our goodbyes and left friendly terms.

Our son walks the line, head held high - he felt closure that night.
Something hard was done- he was very good at it.
Aware the battle is not yet finished and there is still a long walk up the mountain- I have no doubt he'll make it.

We all slept a little better that night.

And we are all better for having done hard work.


21 comments :

  1. A very tough week. Being a parent is hard, whatever age your children are, but the parent of child who has them behind him all the way is the best kind. Apologising is hard however young or old we are, it takes the courage of a lion, indeed. Hope you have a peaceful weekend ;)

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    1. ...as they say, this too shall pass and I can see "peace" on the horizon :)

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  2. Regardless of the age, being a parent is hard, just living in this world can be hard, but for those of us who have a good support system it makes the road a little less rough. Your #3 made a mistake, [haven't we all?] but what a fine young man to apologize and grow, learning from his error. Strong families, they make a difference. Much love and peace to you dear Camilla.

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    1. Thank you Tracey - yes this world can be harsh and the kids sure do keep us on our toes.xo

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  3. Camilla, thank you for sharing this. This parenting is the hardest, best job. It sounds like you've all found some grace in the hardship. Well done & hugs. xx

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    1. Grace in the hardship...that sounds beautiful.
      xo

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  4. It's the hardest work, parenting, but reading this it sounds to me like Penelope Trunk is right.
    Knowing that his parents have his back must make all the difference to your son, too many kids can't say that.
    Hugs to you Camilla x

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    1. Annie, you express my thoughts exactly. Parenting is by far, for me, the most difficult work that I've done. I am constantly having to look within myself and that's not always a simple task. You and your husband have given your son wonderful and important values. He knows that you are and will always be there for him, unconditionally. Warm supportive hugs to you and your family XX

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    2. Hello to you both of you and thank you so for your support and encouragement....it takes a village.
      xo

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  5. I think the biggest lesson here is we are all human, we all make mistakes, but owning up to them, being honest and apologizing when we are wrong is truly the only way to feel good in our own skin again. Kudos to you mama, and to dad as well, for sticking by your young man, and to him a huge high five for mistakes made, and the lessons learned from them.

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    1. Thank you Kim, I couldn't agree more. It's all about learning from our experiences and what we take away from them.

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  6. Oh my, it is hard to be a parent and to watch our children become themselves and maybe do things or say things we would never ever do. I saw compassion, kindness, forgiveness in your post and you taught him so very much but what you did and said. Hugs to you and keep on keeping on.

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    1. Yes, it truly is...and lately it has been quite the year for that, I am ready for some sunshine in our heart and souls...even a little peace between the storms :)

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  7. Dear Camilla, once again you have shared your story with honesty and integrity. Parenting really is the hardest job! I'm sure the courage, fidelity and strength you have used this week will be rewarded a thousand fold. With your and your husband's help, your son has learned many valuable lessons through one (albeit maybe giant) bad decision. Much love to you - xo

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  8. My comment would have been the same as everyone else, you did well in bringing up a boy who knows that it is right to apologise and is strong enough to do it. Have a restful weekend. x

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  9. So very brave to write about your son's experience. We too have been going through some big stuff...calls at 4:30am to come get him, police involved, handcuffs...and being scared to death...him and us. But in the end, he realized that we were there and stood by him even through this very hard lesson. Thankfully, no one was hurt and it has been settled but oh the learning that we have all gone through. xoxo

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  10. My thoughts are with you. It must be terrible as parents to see the loved child in trouble. I am impressed how your son summoned up the courage and apologized- this is a life lessen he probably won't forget and I am hopeful that with your love and caring he will find his path.

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  11. You are strong, my friend. Not being a parent myself, I can't imagine how this must have hurt you. Yet, with your son you allowed him to face his mistake with the knowledge that you were with him. I know I was far from the perfect child with my mother and yes, there were many times when the police was involved. The knowledge that my mother was with me not against me, made me the person I am today. I know the same will be said of your son. Sending you much love.

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  12. Boy-oh-boy-oh-boy!!! I'm so sorry you guys went through a tough week (believe me, I can totally relate). With teenagers, I've thrown away and moved on from all my parenting 101 books and now have moved on to the advance parenting and survival genre of the library. I'm so glad things got resolved and your son got some closure and that you are able to sleep better at night. It is the hardest of hard work for sure - and doing double duty worrying in the middle of the night doesn't help. Hugs and more hugs to you this week !!!

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  13. After raising six, I can absolutely say "been there done that" so I know exactly what you are going through with teens. It can be a very very difficult time. We had to be on our toes day and night there for a while. If it helps, it sounds like you have a pretty good handle on it.

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  14. We too have walked that path. It's not easy but with it being behind us by a decade our children are productive citizens, fantastic parents and Christ followers. Hang in there you did good. This will turn. Around and bless you in the future.

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