Be true...be you

 

~If it scares you

 it might be a good thing to try

Seth Godin

 

 

Mother nature has waved her wand on Montana.

 Spring seems to have magically appeared
 

 

the fields have become " natures" tarmac
 for the birds that are arriving
 returning to this frozen melt
 

Canadian geese over head squawking discombobulated

a Robin rested on the fence yesterday and Foghorn noticed a first blue bird

All signs that spring is on it's way.

 

 

or... thaw

winter melts
and "hidden" is revealed

 

 good and bad

 for me a time to be inspired
 find things that I had forgotten or were misplaced
under all that ice
 take stock of what is
 things in life that work and things that don't

a time to be true

 

 

 

the landscape changes.

 

 My inner landscape is changing

 not clear of what I am seeing?

 

Feeling a bit exposed

even vulnerable

 

 the winter blanket has been ripped off
 like a Band-Aid
 

The time of standing still

and accepting of "what is"
 

no longer feels

 like a good fit

 

 

finding myself quite weepy and lost

 realizing that I am really coasting

 

 am I that content

 or am I simply

stagnate?

Chef asked what my dreams were...

 if you could dream big

 what would that look like?

 

Stunned

 I realized that I have never dreamt big

 

 I seem to have just landed in situations and either tried to survive them

or making the best of them

 life can just be so shocking at times
 dreams have been deferred

Doctor, lawyer or veterinarian

 never crossed my mind.

 

I finished almost 2 years of Interior design school

 and then beautiful Julian came along

 since then have been a
professional mom

  Haus Frau
or

 domestic engineer

call it what you wish...

 

 It never dawned on me to think there is  a life after.

 Good Golly what the heck do I do now?

 

 

 SO over busying myself
with
creative messes that don't lead to nowhere.

My grand parents wanted me to enroll in a certain riding academy in Sweden

to become a professional in the field

or at least an instructor.

 

Dad was hopeful to hear;
a psychologist studying " Stanford or Harvard "

 

Camilla, you must have a direction!

 

More art classes, traveling the world and a certain Mr.was on my mind....

 

 Mom supports me in every whim I have

 horse breeder, little girls dresses, vintage clothing
the list is endless

 

But it's not enough

 to just be creative

 

 

 what must that be like to have  BIG dream???

 

 It sounds daunting and exciting at the same time

 

Where do I start?

How do I start?

This thaw is bringing up all kinds of questions and thoughts
 that were hidden under layers of
~ something ~

 

 

 what happens when the chicks fly the coop?

Numero uno is on that road at high speeds


 and I am again lost?

 

How does one find ones
passion

 that 1 thing

 and GO for it

never look back

 forge ahead

 

 focused

 

have a direction

 

and have that perfectly wonderful life

career?

 

 be true

 be you

 

 

 I am a "hopper"
 jumping from one thing to another

 

 hoping to land in a safe place

 or...hopping from something that feels crummy

 

frightening to put myself out there
 what if I fail
 What if it's not perfectly perfect

 Is that okay
 Will I be okay?

too be continued......