Our oldest went off to college.
One day you come home from the hospital with this perfect little being and your whole life changes the next minute you're driving with this handsome man off to college?
Excuse me...who said you could grow up?!
Chaotic to get to this point- but we launched our oldest into the deep blue with one big jump off the diving board.
I have been practicing inhaling and exhaling a lot.
No one tells you how traumatic it is to say good bye to your son.
They have all kinds of wonderful books on preparation of having a baby and the "terrible" toddler years ( which mind you, weren't all that terrible) but couldn't find much material out there on how to "How to prep your parents for kids leaving for college"
How do you get "accustomed" to a hole in your heart?
I don't think I signed up for this....did I?
I am very close with my children- I have four so obviously something went right ...or very wrong, either way I enjoy my children- I love them unconditionally with all my heart.
They make me laugh, they make me mad, make me think, they surprise me, they make me worry ... all such a huge part of my life that when one of the ducklings flew out of the nest -
I cried and cried.....I couldn't stop crying and cried some more.
We now have a river on our property.
He is doing very well and adjusting to college life supremely. I couldn't be happier and more proud of him... It all ended well as intended, we all made it.
With a hole in my heart I tried seeking some council from my therapist ...great news, she told me that I won't die from it.
- I am so glad you charged me a whopping 70 bucks to give me that piece of advice.
(this is a summer rafting picture- not to be mistaken as college life...though I do wonder, ehem.)
I homeschooled my kids, read, skied, baked, swam, traveled, wiped tears gave out daily hugs- sometimes hourly hugs, the list goes on- I really enjoy being a mother. I know some parents leap for joy when they can head out to work or do the monkey dance when school starts after summer vacation nothing wrong with that...but I'm not that in that category, not having siblings and 2 parents living on 2 different continents I was lost and lonely as a child growing up- having a family makes me feel whole, I love being part of a clan.
Slowly I am finding comfort in my new daily routine sans the oldest. Parenthood never goes away it just changes and I think that was what was so scary it felt like a divorce.
Stunned and lost describes it pretty well too.
Daily conversation around the dinner table has changed, we phone or text. The other day hubby and I were driving up the mountain, Jules called- we put him on speaker phone, it's still a meaningfull conversation between us - just different- on speaker phone in the truck going up the mountain
Now when he comes home on some weekends and spends loads of time with friends and his girlfriend...the trick is you invite them ALL for dinner...pretty clever, we all get what we want. It works, it's different but still wonderful.
Letting go is hard, change is hard but seeing this beautiful human blossom into such an incredible and independent young man, nothing fills my heart more.
I will be ok.
I guess the darn therapist was right...I won't die from it either.
~ addendum ~
I have wanted to write this for some time...I guess the words finally came.
3 more kids and will most certainly be feeling the same way as they all fly from the nest- maybe the first is the hardest- who knows, I'll keep you abreast of the situation - until then
....inhale peace exhale love
(Thank you all for such kind and welcoming comments on the prior post)